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中国正越来越国际化。来自世界各地的有趣的人们涌入这里，成为中国翻天覆地变化的组成部分。他们在这里获取新的机会，体验截然不同的文化，当然还有尽情享乐。因此作为一个刚到上海不久的年轻单身外国女性，这个城市看起来是一个和各种不同的男性约会的绝佳场所。因此，我去买了一双系带的便鞋，和一条非常漂亮的名牌牛仔裤。下面就是我约会的概况，和我从在中国约会中学到了什么。
地点：酒吧 对象：飞行员
当他走向我的时候，我和朋友正享受着浓烈的玛格利特酒。他，金发碧眼，晒成褐色的皮肤，肌肉发达。这样的人我怎么会拒绝呢？他很有感染力、迷人、风趣、聪明、富有旅行经验，而且对女士如此体贴。我被他彻底迷住了，当然我承认他的职业也加深了我对他的好感――他是个飞行员，穿着制服的男人太性感了！因此我同意第二天带他游览上海。说实话，他完美得让我有些嫉妒。他很有趣，但是绝对绅士，无可挑剔。
在一家豪华餐厅共进晚餐后，他掏出钱包来付账，就在这时，我看见了一张照片！我的心顿时凉了半截，因为我注意到照片上有一个深色皮肤的女人，怀里抱着一个婴儿，而她身边还站着一个年轻的女孩，女孩和婴儿都跟这个飞行员有着相似的轮廓。他发现我看到了这些，说出了实情：“是的，我结婚了……但这并不意味着我就不能再见你了。我每周可以飞上海一次。”我为他在家里的妻子感到悲哀，我不想知道，在他飞行途中的每一个城市有多少个这样女孩，和他喝酒、吃饭。我只知道我不愿成为其中的一个。
教训：如果你事先不知道约会对象是否单身，当你赴约时，你必须在第一时间检查他是否戴着结婚戒指，如果你有机会看他的钱包，千万要扫一眼。那张有着美丽女人和微笑着的婴儿的照片，就是警告。快跑吧！没有人想成为另一个女人的替代品。
地点：大学校园 对象：高个的中国建筑系学生
我所在的大学校园面积巨大，因此我不得不拿着一张地图寻找去留学生办公室的路，看起来还挺远。我遇到了一个又高又帅的男生，我问他留学生办公室是不是朝这个方向走。他点了点头，我道谢后，然后开始往前“跋涉”。没走几米，我就听到有人在背后叫我“小姐，小姐，我可以骑车带你过去”。我扭头发现他正骑着自行车，于是跳上车，紧紧抓着他，因为他实在是个快车手。
在聊天中，我得知他是上海人，２５岁，在建筑系读研，校篮球队队员，想要找个人练英语口语。因此当他把我带到办公室后，我们互换了电话号码，并约好第二天在咖啡馆见面。第二天，喝过咖啡，我们在一起散步，之后就在一家现代化装潢的面馆里一起吃饭。后来，他问我要不要去他家里坐坐，喝杯茶。
我同意了，我突然意识到他从来没告诉我他的家庭状况。“他是和朋友一起住呢？还是他一个人住？或者和父母一起住？”当我走进他家时，发现这里有一大家子人：几个孩子在看电视，老人在看报纸，这个男孩的父亲在用电脑工作……我被介绍给了所有人，这时有人将我拉进了一把椅子。所有人都说中文，盯着我，试图和我交流，问我一些问题，其中有个小女孩对我的金发很感兴趣，想要把它们编成一个马尾辫。坐了一会儿，我向他们告别，送我出门时，这个男孩想要吻我，我轻声说：“我们还是做朋友吧！”这并不是单纯因为他的家庭，而是我对他只有朋友的感觉。
教训：和有着不同文化背景的人们约会是有趣的。但你必须记住的是，和你约会的人，有可能除他之外，还有他的妈妈、外婆、阿姨和保姆。我来自一个将隐私、独立和个人空间看得非常重要的国度，因此对方全家人的过度亲密让我很不适应。但是如果你喜欢一个人，这也并非不可接受。
（本文作者现在上海学习中文）
The many many men
By Dee
China is becoming a very international
place. Interesting people from all around the world flock here to be a part of
the transformation, seize new opportunities, experince a different culture but
also to have fun! So being young, single and new to Shanghai seemed like the
perfect opportunity to do some dating to see what kind of guys you can actually
meet here. So I went shopping and got a pair of new strappy sandals and
extremely flattering designer jeans. This is a summery of my dates and what I
learned when dating in China.
Where: A bar
Who:the Pilot
I was with my girl friend sipping
strong Margaritas as He approached me; blonde, tanned and muscular. How could I
not talk to him? He was infectious; charming, funny, smart and well traveled and
oh-so-smooth with the ladies. After chatting for a few hours I had fallen for
his charm and mentioning that he was a pilot did have a certain impact too I
must admit. Men in uniforms are hot! Plus he kept telling me so many interesting
stories which were truly entertaining. So the next day I agreed to give him a
tour of the city. He was annoyingly perfect to be real honest. He was funny yet
a gentleman and so far I saw no flaws. After dinner at a trendy restaurant he
took out his wallet to pay and there it was... The picture! My body sort of
froze for a sec and my eyes were fixed on the cute brunette with one kid on her
arm and a young girl standing next to her. They all resembled the charming pilot
I was having a very romantic dinner with too much. He noticed; I noticed and
there was no way he could get out of this. A lame lie would not work. He told
the truth “Yes I am married ...but that doesn't mean I cant see you too. I fly
here once a week.”. WHAT IS HE ON ABOUT?! Cheating to me is a ‘big big no no’. I
just feel sorryo for the poor wify back home, I don't want to know how many
girls he has different cities that he wines and dines on weekly basis when he
flies in. I just know I don’t ever want to become one of them.
Lesson learned : Assuming that a man is single when you go on a date was
obviously too much to ask for. So thus I have learnt a girl has to check for
rings ASAP and if you have the chance glance at his wallet, do so. Picture of
beautiful ladies with smiling babies is a big warning sign. RUN! No one wants to
be the other woman.
Where: University campus
Who: tall Chinese architect student
My university campus is enormous. I mean, it is huge! It is like a little
world of its own when I think about it. It has lots of roads, buildings, a small
forrest, supermarkets, coffee shops, gardens, sports fields and a lake. So there
I was at the wrong side of the campus and after looking at the map I realized it
would be quite the walk to get to the foreign students office. I spotted a tall
cute guy and asked him just to double check that the students was really in that
direction. He nodded and say yes and I thanked him and started my long walk.
After just a few meters I heard someone shouting after me ‘Miss, Miss, I can
give you a ride’. I looked back and realized he was on a bike. So I climbed on
to the back of his bike and off we went. I had to hold on to him tight as he was
quite the fast biker. I remember thing; “Wheee! This was fun! And it feels
really ‘Chinese’. I have to make a mental note of getting my own bike. I simply
must!”. Hugging him I learnt a few things about this kind stranger. He was local
Shangahinese, 25 years old, doing a masters degree in architecture, a basketball
player and desperately needed someone to practise English with. So after he
dropped me off at the students office we swooped numbers and decided to meet the
following day at the coffee shop. Moments later I got a sms saying “Hi pretty
girl. It was very nice to meet you”. We did indeed meet. Coffee turned
into a long walk, a long walk turned into dinner at a funky noodle bar and
afterwards he asked if I wanted to come to his house and have a cup of tea. I
agreed and we went left the university campus and walked to a block of
apartments. I suddenly struck me that he never told me how he lives. “Maybe he
has room mates or his own place? Or stay with his parents? This will be
interesting”, I though to myself. As we walked through the door the smell of
spicy food hit me, I heard the sounds of Chinese pop music and the voices of
older people. When I entered the living room there was a whole family there.
Some children watched tv, the old people read the paper, the father in the
family was working on the computer.... I was introduced to all of them and
someone pulled me a chair. My new found friends mother came with a pot of hot
sweet tea and I slowly drank it trying to take it all it. They were all speaking
Chinese, looking at me, trying to communticte, asking questions and the little
girl played with my blonde hair and tried to make a pony tail. Time was running
late and I thank them and left. Me and the architect students said bye and as he
leaned into kiss me I whispered “I think we should be friends”. Not because of
the family simply because that was all I felt for him.
Lesson learned:
It is possible, fun and interesting to date people
from other cultures. Its just that you have to bare in mind that He comes with
his mom, grandma, aunt, baby sister and ayi. Coming from a country where
privacy, independence and space is highly cherished having the whole family so
close to you was for me strange. But if you like someone iIsee no reason why it
couldn't work.
Where: The supermarket
Who: The American general manager for some big
company (which I forgot the name of)
So there I was on my tip toes reaching up for the extremely overprice
imported blue berry cereals at trendy downtown supermarket as a I heard a deep
voice behind me “Do you need some help?”. I twirled around and in front of me
was a tall, tanned guy in a business suit. His name was Alex and after chatting
15 min in the supermarket aisle he got my number and we had dinner plans the
following Friday.
A week later I was meeting some girlfriends to catch up when an
uncomfortable feeling of déjà vu hit me as one of the girls started talking
about this man she had been on a date with. It all sounded strangely familiar as
she recalled where they went, what they ate and even things he said. After a
while I couldn't keep it to myself I had to ask her; could it possibly be the
same guy I was seeing?! And well, turn out ‘its a small world after all...its a
small small world’. We had both been dating the same guy! He had told the same
sappy stories, sent us the same types of flowers with the same poem, ordered the
same dishes and the list goes on... just days a part! At this point neither of
us were falling for him so no one got hurt. But it left me feeling a little
jaded. No one wants to feel like you are just part of a pattern , a working
routine.
Lesson learned : That one can not expect to be exclusive in a city with so
many people and temptations and that one has to watch out for ‘players’. They
are everywhere, and China is no exeption. (Next time I will wear high heels so I
can reach for the cereals by myself!).
Where: Airport (on my way to Shanghai)
Who: The business guy who
was sick of life
This guy I met even before I got here. I love airports just because of that
special feeling you get there. Its a feeling of excitement of going somewhere
new but yet with a tab bit of bitterness because you are leaving something
behind, and stress of course because all the people rushing in different
directions! So there I was stranded in Copenhagen. My flight to Shanghai was
cancelled, because a typhoon had hit main land. I was all alone with too much
luggage. I wasn't’t even suppose to be in Europe anymore! Feeling tired, hot,
annoyed and just generally in a bad mood I qued to service centre to get my
hotel voucher when I all of a sudden spotted Him. Tall, dark hair, nice style in
clothing and radiant with confidence, just a gorgeous stranger. He was clearly a
business man but with a cool leisure touch. WOW! He was unfortunately first in
line and disappeared. I did miraculously catch up with him and the rest is like
a sweet Hollywood movie.
“So you are stranded as well?” he asked when we are waiting for our bags.
“YES! DUH! Why else would I be here ?!” I thought. But of course I didn’t say
so. I just smiled and said “Yeah” casually. He then suggested we should share a
cab and conversation flew. It felt like I knew him already. He then asked me for
out for dinner. We ended up talking for non stop for 8 hours, having a nice
dinner, hitting some bars and walking the streets and alles of Copenhagen. The
next day we were upgraded and flew business class to Shanghai talking and
laughing the whole flight. Things were running so smooth. I made plans in my
head of how we would explore Shanghai together, walk hand in hand and check out
the markets, take an evening river cruise and try new restaurants. Yes, I admit
I can get carried away somtimes, I know. When we finally touched down in
Shanghai we exchanged numbers but he then casually said “I’m not sure when I
will call since I’m off to Tibet to do some soul searching for 8 weeks after
signing a contract here.“
Lesson learned:
There are no rules, no guarantees, nothing is for
sure in a busy business oriented town like Shanghai. The guy you date may say
“we can’t meet this weekend because I have a job interview in Hong Kong, or I
won’t call for a while I’m going skiing in Nagano”. People are constantly on the
moved. Shanghai is like one big airport and everyone is in transit. You just
have to learn to enjoy t h e moment because there might not always
be a second one.
Where: Boring dinner party
Who: The guy I want
A friend of a
friend invited me to join a dinner party. I had no idea everyone would be almost
twice my age. I was stuck in the middle of conversations of how hard it is to
find a good wedding planner, a trustworthy ayi and which international schools
is best for your young children. When you are 19 this is all very hard to relate
to. I guess I must have looked really bored because the only guy under 30 across
the table kept on smiling and looking at me. He has gorgeous, intense brown eyes
which intrigued me. After dessert he came over and asked “Do you like Hip hop”?
and my answer was of course “Yes, I do”. So we left and went dancing. We swapped
numbers and have been dating for weeks. He is down to earth, easy going and
totally relaxed, smart and charming and lives here (just like me!). We do simple
things; watch a movies, cook, go running, meet for a cup of coffee or some wine.
He is just himself and I’m simply me and that's all it takes.
Lesson learned: It is just like everyone says, you meet someone when you
don't expect it. There ARE nice interesting guys out there. Its just hard work
to find them but its inspiring to know they exist. Keep looking...
That's all for now. Its a jungle out there. A girl has to watch out because
there are a lot of bad guys around who don't have you best interest in mind, who
thinks that dinners, money and free trips will get them what they want. But the
above piece of research is also states that there is hope to find a new guy who
cares, makes you laugh, will send you an sms to check how your day has been and
thinks you are beautiful without make up... If that is what you want. If you are
into dating then there is variety and choice in a fun big city like Shanghai. If
you are up for meeting lots of new different guys, dress up, be street-smart and
enjoy it. But always rememeber that a boyfriend should not ‘make’ or define your
life but enrich it.
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